Adventures in Babysitting - Dragonslayer Edition

 This story was told to us while we were on the road.  I actually was very tired.  I was beyond tired.  It was past my bedtime and I had been driving all day, over 500 miles.  It was the second day of the trip and we were all getting crabby and tired, and our only hope was this little coupon we held in our hand.  It said Free Hot Breakfast at a pretty fancy hotel (we did notice the small print that said "in south wing" but didn't care at that moment).  So to keep me alert, this somewhat unbelievable story about our sweet, dear Bearded Dragon was read to me while I was driving into Amarillo, Texas.  It probably saved our lives.  It made us laugh and cry and stay awake.

 Written by our Bearded Dragon Babysitter:

 The Dragon seems to be defiant from the very start. He glares at me with his cold, emotionless eyes, knowing I cannot complete my tasks without his assistance. In an attempt to coax him from his outer chambers into the inner sanctum of his lair, he let me glimpse his true power. A simple twitch of a tiny muscle and his floppy, flabby, "just-for-show" spines became razor daggers in my hand. Such pain! Nothing has prepared me for these dangers which lay before me.

Thinking that perhaps a peace offering of humongous chunks of flesh from the most succulent fruit in the land may appease him, I quickly prepare a feast and lay it before him. He sits atop his mighty boulder surveying all before him. Leaving nothing to chance I bring a gigantic cube of fruit within range of his ghastly tongue.

*CHOMP*
...I've nearly lost a limb. What was I thinking? Surely this beast can feed itself. One mustn't patronize such a powerful creature.... I can tell by his sly smirk that he wanted my limb, he regrets not having leapt full-force at the chance to dis-arm me. All further offerings of this fruit of the gods are rebuffed.

Mayhaps a bit of temptation with live food shall raise his spirits, thinks I. Oh what folly...
A full twenty good men have fallen to pacify this latent bloodthirst.

What have I done? Look upon me mighty, and despair, for I am become death, destroyer of worms.

All things have come to pass, shall come to pass again.

"Fight on!" says I.